Saturday, October 31, 2009

The third reason...

why I have not been blogging!


The Lord has once again had to knock me off my own self made pedestal.


If you do not know me personally, I fit the type A personality profile to a 'T.' High energy, perfectionist, tendency towards anxiety, a striver and a fixer. My own self has a BIG tendency to get in the way of the Lord--"I" replaces "Him." I can fix my kids, I can bring healing to their hearts, I can, I can, I can. In the Word, this spells out
P-R-I-D-E.
"Pride comes before a fall."
And what ends up happening is that the Lord's calling on my life, i.e. raising these precious souls, becomes an idol--something I place on my pedestal.


And so here I am once again....lying flat, literally, at the foot of my own self made pedestal. The cycle is becoming more evident and clear. I do well, physically, spiritually and mentally for about a month and then it all falls apart. The fatigue, achy joints, anxiety and irritability consume me. Is it chronic fatigue? I am not sure (I go to the Dr. Monday). Believe me, I have pleaded with the Lord to take "this", whatever it is, from me. However, at the same time, there is a soft still whisper that tells me that I need to surrender it all back to the One who's burden is light.


Forgive me if I have ever came across that I have all the answers. That I am perfect. Or am a "super spiritual saint." I am none of these things.
I am just a helpless child that needs to cling to the hem of her Father's robe and never let go.

10 comments:

Melissa G. said...

Amen. And thank you for your honesty.

Shonni said...

I am sorry sweet friend...and praying for you!

Kathy said...

The Lord is speaking to me through your post today. This is something that I struggle with, too. Bless you for being so honest. I'm praying for you today.

Bethany said...

I love you and I am praying for your health!
Thank you for your honesty with your struggles. I am greatly inspired by you, but I never thought you were/are perfect. In fact, I think we are a whole lot alike...
Bethany

BETHANY said...

All moms, whether Type A or not, can get prideful about how they parent. Falling off the pedestal isn't fun, but God's always willing to scoop you up, dust you off, and give you another try.

Michelle A said...

I really appreciate your transparency ! The Lord has been working with me on this same thing over this past year and slowly but surely I have been feeling lighter and more joyful as I practice giving more and more of my control over to him. I also feel freer just to be more loving with my family (probably cuz I'm not as busy thinking of what they need to change;) But just when I think I have it down, he shows me I don't. Isn't it great to know he always has our best in mind and loves us no matter what?! I just love Him!!

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Amen to that.....for me too! Pedestals were made to be broken.....for all of us. Part of the pruning process....

Adeye said...

I LOVE your heart and your honesty, my dear friend. I really do. You ARE a priceless jewel in His Kingdom.

Love you!

His Hands His Feet Today said...

Praying for you!
Love,
K

the Rackley family said...

When we're willing to open up and be real....people know we can be trusted. We're NOT perfect, none of us are. But we are surrounded by people who aren't willing to take the mask off and be real. Thanks for being real!!

Hugs from AR,
Kelly