why I have not been blogging!
The Lord has once again had to knock me off my own self made pedestal.
If you do not know me personally, I fit the type A personality profile to a 'T.' High energy, perfectionist, tendency towards anxiety, a striver and a fixer. My own self has a BIG tendency to get in the way of the Lord--"I" replaces "Him." I can fix my kids, I can bring healing to their hearts, I can, I can, I can. In the Word, this spells out
"Pride comes before a fall."
And what ends up happening is that the Lord's calling on my life, i.e. raising these precious souls, becomes an idol--something I place on my pedestal.
And so here I am once again....lying flat, literally, at the foot of my own self made pedestal. The cycle is becoming more evident and clear. I do well, physically, spiritually and mentally for about a month and then it all falls apart. The fatigue, achy joints, anxiety and irritability consume me. Is it chronic fatigue? I am not sure (I go to the Dr. Monday). Believe me, I have pleaded with the Lord to take "this", whatever it is, from me. However, at the same time, there is a soft still whisper that tells me that I need to surrender it all back to the One who's burden is light.
Forgive me if I have ever came across that I have all the answers. That I am perfect. Or am a "super spiritual saint." I am none of these things.
I am just a helpless child that needs to cling to the hem of her Father's robe and never let go.