Wednesday, April 21, 2010

When they never wanted a "savior."

A sweet sister and I have been emailing back and forth for weeks.  The Lord brought us together through adoption.  I have found great delight in encouraging her along the journey, which at times can be difficult.  We recently were discussing children who "never wanted a savior."  By this I mean, adopted children who think, either by their words or actions, that life in the institution was better than life in a family.  Let the email speak for itself.  I have disclosed names for privacy sake.

"The Lord placed something heavy on my heart after you shared about A not wanting to be part of your family.  We too have a child that, although she has never said it with words, does not enjoy being part of our family.  I began pondering and asking the Lord for wisdom--and He is always faithful to reveal the heart of the matter.  This is what He spoke to me, that I believe is going on with both A and our E.

1.    Did they, E and A, ever want a savior?  I use a small 's' as I am referring to us, our families as the savior--"someone who saves someone for a cause"  We, not just as adults who know better, but as born again believers in Jesus Christ, were impressed by the Lord that truly these children needed love, nurturing and a mother and father.  And we were willing, despite the sacrifices involved, to become a "savior" for these children.

2.    Jesus Christ came as the Savior of the world.  He willingly laid down His life, endured great suffering, for the "cause" of forgiving the sins of mankind.  He knew that without salvation the people of the world would die and go to hell.  He knew what was best, better.

But in both scenarios the "people" never wanted a savior in the first place.

I am unsure of A background, but I will draw out my conclusion using E.

E was at ****Baby Home.  She had been since birth.  She learned at a young age that to get something you act cute, show off, lie/deceive, in other words, do what it takes.  E was never taught that her behavior was sinful. In the meantime, volunteers continued to flock by the dozens, ready to spoil these "less fortunate" orphans.  E's sin of self was fed a hearty portion of indulgence on a daily basis.  She was living "high on the hog."

At age 3 E joined our family.  She was now part of a well structured home that taught self control, selfLESSness and honesty.  What used to "work" for E at *** was welcomed with prompt discipline.  It was no longer ok to act cute, lie and deceive to get attention--mommy and daddy figured her out quickly.

E, I believe, never saw her need for a savior (a family, someone to rescue her from the destruction of an institution).  According to her, she was just fine.  But you see, so did the people when Jesus came along.  Sure, they wanted a king to deliver them from Roman rule (just like E wanted a volunteer to give her sweeties all day).  However, they did not want a Savior who told them they needed to repent of their sins.  That is why I asked the question, "did E ever want a savior?"  or "does E yet see that she needs a savior?"

I truly believe that the same thing is going on with A.

There are some children that want to be saved.  And like mankind, there are people who see nothing wrong with their current situation/life.

So, what do we do to minister to children like E and A.  We do the same thing Jesus did.  We continue to offer salvation.  We continue to love them.  To train them in righteousness.  We help them see that truly they do need a Savior--take them to the cross daily.  Wash them in the Word, or as I like to say, scrub em' down.  And more than anything, DO NOT LOOSE HEART!

I pray that this encourages you.

Love from the North,

P.S. Something else I just thought about is this.  We must make sure that we do not focus on the sacrifices we made to save these children (especially considering their lack of appreciation), or else we can become bitter.  This was never Jesus' heart."

Ladies, I pray that we will seek the heart of the matter as we minister to our children.  The enemy is not going to give up without a fight, and neither shall we!


Shonni said...

Wow, what a wonderful discussion and what wisdom to see into the heart of this situation. When I was on my mission trip in U I definitely saw what you are describing.

mjohnson said...

Thank you , thank you for sharing this private exchange of thoughts. I think all future adoptive parents, should read these words and let the Lord work through them in our hearts. I am a future adoptive parent, and this is such a wise and helpful perspective. God bless you all.

John & Perla said...

I will remember this post for a very long time, especially as we minister as house parents at the new orphanage. Thanks!

Sherry said...

Summer you have put it so eloquently. Your updates inspire me and cause me to ponder things on a deeper level.
I pray that God continues to give you strength to do what He has called you to. My family and I will continue to pray for you and yours.

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Oh. So. True.

Our J. was like that. As a teenager when he came to America, he saw no need for a family ... no need for love ... no need for all that we wanted to give him (emotionally and spiritually).

When J. came to America he had a list of THINGS that he thought would make him happy. And, when our family would not give him all of the things that he wanted ... he pushed us away. He had no need for us.

J. was the eldest at the orphanage. The adults spoiled him and the children looked up to him. He could say and do no wrong. Then ... he came to our family. He was child #8 of 13 children. He was in the middle.

J. is now with another family. He has their undivided attention. They have bought him all the things that he wanted. He is happy now. He likes his new family because he equates love with what can be bought for him.

So. Sad. No, he did NOT know that he needed a savior ... he did not appreciate what either The Savior did for him, nor what our family tried to do for him.

We will continue to pray that he will come to know the love of The Savior ... this is what he truly needs.


(J. did not end up with another family because he was "unhappy". He ended up with another family because we could not protect our 5 younger children from his behavior.)

soontobemomof9 said...

Beautiful! I am sharing a link to your blog with a friend.

Can I ask you a question? Why or How did you end up where you are living and did it start as a mission to help orphans? None of my business, but I admit I am SO curious!

Mama in Uganda said...


No, we came to Uganda as missionaries (my husband is a pastor/teacher), and I guess the Lord saw fit to bring part of that mission field into our home--disciples in diapers!

Jewels of My Heart said...

Powerful........ Thank you for sharing these words of incite and wisdom. It is heartbreaking for the child, their family, and for the Lord for what He endures to save us from our self......
To the families who are experiencing this I would say.... Stay the coarse....

Praying you are all well....